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Anchorless roots, soaked in leadenly heavy, black emptiness
frozen in unsatisfied hunger to arise,
unenslaved, powerful, radiant.
Free from fear of finit- and endlessness,
which persist on opposite sides of the same existance,
in dumbly screaming tempests of time.
Leaving behind,
dissolving in one eternal moment -
in a being, that cannot exist,
cause even its idea originates in the roots
from which it tends to break away,
fighting against inner and outer resistance
withdrawn, uncontrollably bursting apart
due to deeply red thunderous sensations
enclosed by the void within.
On uneasy days I look on a violent sea inside of me
red coloured waves
which carry thoughts and sentiments with them from the depth,
that move as dark shadows beneath the surface.
Caught between the suction of the silent depth
and the storm driven raise,
between certain- and uncertainty.
Above the sea – sky mirrored depth,
anchor- and shoreless...,
feared but desired.
Until one day each shadow
rises as a pictured single fragment from the waves
and no longer drifts blurred beneath the surface.
Like a flock of black birds
that rises into the undetermined vastness,
defenceless but viewable,
not safe and not whole
but free.
You are alive so you may live.
You may feel, stumble, fall,
stand up in your own tempo
and walk on
- wherever you want to go.
It‘s not important to understand everything,
let yourself drift,
dance through the chaos.
Your ideas are bigger than your sanity.
Let your thoughts fly over the ocean.
Feel your bond to the earth
and the securitiy that arises out of that.
Discover the beauty in all things
and breath it in.
Nothing is perfect
- everything ist perfect.
You can‘t control time,
thus experience the here and now,
the rest are memories and dreams.
Give yourself the space that you need
to feel liberty in what defines you.
Never quite there and never quite gone
Eyes, ears and heart widely opened -
Full of words but without voice -
Full of compassion but empty inside.
Like a silent observer, carved out of stone
Whose inside gets even more porous with each rainstorm
And absorbs fallen tears like a sponge.
Until the last free space is filled with external emotion
And one's own is pushed to the outside -
building cracks in the dumb flinty facade.
The own depth washed to the surface,
Uncontrolled and defenceless in the glaring daylight.
Jaded, tearful and depthless.
Waiting for the next storm to come, hoping for
tear wiping dreams being carried away,
Ready for being lived instead of being conceived.
Feared and desired to be without a facade,
to learn to be aware of oneself
and to feel for oneself,
to give one's self-compassion,
for the first time, an own voice
that wants to be heard.
Every blossom blooms and passes by in perfect uniqueness,
that deserves to be perceived,
to let the observer recognize and consider
the value of the perfection in every moment of its existence,
for not letting it, irretrievably and unseen,
be carried away with the next gust of wind.
Some people cast long shadows in our lives,
whose true dimensions we first recognize when only the memory is left,
and the shadow more and more becomes to a mirror of our existence.
It shows us the marks that remain and live on in ourselves,
that help us to overcome the defencelessness and give us encouragement
to let our own shadows grow to their own height.
I woke up this morning and it felt like I’d lost something
A dearest memory, a picture, a part of my twisted self
A dream in warm colors…
And it feels like reality is breaking me apart.
I woke up and plaid in the day with a restrained piano plaid theme
Of memories falling like leaves to a bottomless ground.
I walk out - breath in and breath out the awakening cold
Reaching the bottom of reality with a sigh of what was left
A diffuse memory …
Cracks become scars healing me apart from you.
Still capturing the part I’ve lost on a different level – far from
Reality but nice to see like a bird in a silver cage.
And what is an illusion in your reality – only nice to see
Clipped the wings of my dearest memory of longing and hope
A feeling of warmth…
My shields lie on the ground but you protect yourself
Through silver bars around your world - just watching me there
Want me to smile and be alright in your memory.
So I curl up beneath my shields and send them as a memory to you
A hopeful smile on the reflecting face of your wish
An allaying lie…
Cracks become scars healing me apart from you.
Still capturing the part I’ve lost on a different level – far from
Reality but nice to see like a bird in a silver cage.
Behind myself lies a heaven in hidden confidence
which dampens the earth with its grief.
The wind sings its elegy
and blurs the the remembrance of a yesterday.
The morning is still afar
and it seems as if it drifts in further distance -
where sun and moon will meat
and time remain a foreign word.
Trapped in between worlds.